The Next Chapter

Two months ago I found myself at a crossroads. After the kids outgrew having a nanny, I had to move on from a job I have had for the past 4 years, that I have loved every moment of (Luckily, I am still very close to them all and get to enjoy continuing to be a part of their family.). I was, of course, searching for a new family to nanny for, since I enjoy it so much the last time around. While I was job hunting, I came across the newsletter for a local metaphysical store with an advertisement in it stating that they were looking for a bilingual intuitive. As most of you know, I am bilingual, and I am also an intuitive. I had not done readings for people outside of friends and family, however I did get readings for people when I was doing energy work on them at different Reiki circles. I decided to go interview, just to see if I could do it. What can I say, I enjoy throwing myself out of my comfort zone. 

I not only nailed my interview (which included readings in both languages, as well as healings), but I ended up receiving a job offer from them. I began to get in my own way since I was not used to getting paid on a commission basis. I was used to a guaranteed paycheck every week. At the same time an offer came in for a nanny job. The hours, the pay and the family all seemed great. Once I took the job, everything changed. The family was still great, but the hours were longer and the pay was less. The job ended up being at least 80% academic, and that is not my forte. If it was, I would not be trying to get through my associates degree at the age of 32. 

These girls were stressed out and there was nothing I could do to help them, or make things any easier on them. I felt as though, I could not properly do my job. I was simply not the right fit for them. As I was wrestling with all of this I kept feeling a pull toward the job as a bilingual intuitive . So, I put in my notice, and decided to head over and have a talk with the manager. We had set everything up for me to begin working in two weeks so that my two weeks notice could play out. Right after I left I received a call from the family and they told me they would rather me not come back because it would be hard on the children. So, I agreed, called the manager back, and started at the metaphysical store that Thursday. There was still a little bit of anxiety there, but the message I kept getting in readings and meditation was to not worry, that the Universe was supporting me in this journey. So I decided to  take that attitude with me into this new chapter. 

I know that this is going to take me closer to where I am supposed to be. There is a lot of freedom and flexibility in the metaphysical world. The possibilities are endless. It's time for me to take flight into the next chapter of this incredible journey.

Forming New Habits

I’ve been working with coach, and he has given me some great advice. I have been texting him what I eat and he helps me tweak it, here and there so I can form better habits. I have cut back drastically on cheese. I always loved cheese and put it on everything. I’ve learned it was all in my head. Every once in a while is fine, but on the normal day to day, I have found it’s not that hard to go without it.

The challenge is going to be in the fact that I am a picky eater. I don’t like tomatoes or peppers. I can eat salads, but I am rarely very fond of them. I am, also, still struggling with making the time to cook something. Yesterday, I only ate twice and the second time I was on the go. Busy days make it a little tougher sometimes. Trying to decide what the best choice is when you are on the go, then getting distracted by life, I will forget to eat and end up missing a meal all together causing me to start the process all over, again, only too hungry to care if it is a great decision. I am, however, allowing the process. I cut myself a little slack because I am learning. This is all new to me. Mistakes are something to learn from, not beat yourself up over. The latter only leads to a negative experience, then you just feel bad about yourself and are more prone to give up. If you slip up, you slip up, that doesn’t mean start over on Monday, that means go ahead and try, again for your next meal. Eventually, I will have better habits. Heck they are already better than they were a month ago. I am confident that, in time, I will get the hang of it.

Moving Forward

 In getting myself active and out there, I have found my way to a place called Thunder Kickboxing. It felt like family from the first time I stepped foot into the gym. That is how I knew this was the right place for me. I like that, with kickboxing, I can pace myself. As I get the hang of the technique, I begin to push myself more. The stronger I get, the more I can push myself, there is no limit to how far it can take me. The environment is a positive, fun, loving, light hearted one. My kickboxing coaches have become my life coaches and dear friends. Coach Eddie is currently working on becoming a nutritionist, and I am one of the lucky ones reaping the benefits. He’s learning a lot and he’s going to help me retrain myself on how to eat and shop for a healthier lifestyle. Apparently, I am going to have to start cooking. Which, for those of you who know me probably know that, I am a little resistant to cooking for one outside of a microwave. I am all about quick, easy and inexpensive. I know that is going to have to change, but I have no idea what to change it to, that is when the universe decided it was time to bring Thunder Kickboxing in to aid in my growth. Which is nothing short of miraculous, because I am pretty clueless when it comes to this stuff. 

Taking My Life Back

I have spent the last few years taking my power back and taking my life back. There’s a handful of you that have seen it all happen. You saw who I was in school. You saw me struggle after graduation to make everyone else happy trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be. You saw me hit rock bottom. You witnessed my first bad accident and got to see first hand the emotional and physical turmoil it caused. I bounced back too fast and it took it’s toll. I gave up on myself. Little by little I let go of everything I loved to strive to be who everyone wanted me to be. I was told that I shouldn’t be on stage. The dancing, the singing, the acting. I was told I shouldn’t be doing it with the way I look. I was embarrassing myself as well as those I was associated with. Eventually, I heeded the advice and I stopped. I limited myself to singing and dancing in my room when no one was home. I believed that making myself happy would cause those around me to suffer, so I chose to suffer so those around me could be happy. 

Eventually, I realized I couldn’t make them happy. When I finally got my first apartment, I was alone, in a great way. There was no one telling me what to do or who to be. For the first time, I got to figure who I was. Considering this was at the age of 27, I was a little behind. Since I wasn’t capable of a relationship, I threw myself into local bands. Music was always a great escape for me. It touches my soul like nothing else has ever been able to. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than me, and it was cool. People that I considered my dear friends were up on stage at all of these venues expressing the music within them in a way I could only dream of doing, and I did, I dreamt of it often. I had long given up on myself and began to throw myself into everyone else’s dreams. I was the biggest fan. To some that was all I ever was, however there were a handful that remain in my life to this day, and for them I am truly grateful. 

After moving back to Georgia, I experienced a whole new kind of alone. I came here with a certain agenda and certain expectations, but they did not play out the way I thought they would at all. I lost my entire circle of friends within the first few months. It was a very confusing situation that I still don’t totally understand, but it was a blessing disguise. It freed me up to build a whole new life here. A life better than anything I could have imagined with a new fantastic group of chosen family or soul sisters and brothers. I hit a few rough patches getting everything together, but once I got settled in, it just kept getting better and better. I started getting monthly massages about 3 years ago. It was exactly what I needed. You see when I gave up on myself, I gave up on everything. The pain from my many accidents haunted me, I quit trying to work through the pain and just gave into it. Even though I still deal with pain, it is nothing like it was and I am finally in a place where I am getting mobile, again. I just started kickboxing last month and I am loving it. I am surprising myself with what I can do, and I have found an incredible group of friends there, as well. I am so excited to do more and experience more. I’m looking forward to getting back on stage, again. I’m looking forward to dancing, again, and singing, again. I’m looking forward to earning my badass nickname. 

I wish there was a way I could go back knowing what I know now. I never would have given up in the first place. Giving up made the comeback a rougher road. On the other hand, maybe I wouldn’t change anything. When I get to being the person I am becoming I am going to have one heck of a story to tell.

The Mystery of the Plateau

My first two months on Jenny Craig, I dropped 15 pounds. For the last month or two, I have dropped two pants sizes (maybe more now, my size 20s are getting big on me), but the weight keeps fluctuating a pound or two (up and down) around that 15 pound mark. This baffled me. It made absolutely no sense....until yesterday. I have found not only an incredible support system, but some great friends at my kickboxing gym. I was talking to one of my coaches yesterday about my frustration with dropping inches, but not weight. 

He clarified for me that I had already dropped the weight and my body was now adjusting to it. The skin is pulling itself back in, which is causing the drop in inches. Once it adjusts, more pounds will drop off, and then another plateau will happen so the skin can adjust. That’s why when people lose weight the natural way they don’t have to deal with all of the excess skin. Your body naturally acclimates itself when you let things happen naturally.

It is very important not to beat yourself up or give up on yourself. Focus on feeling better and learning to live a healthier lifestyle. I deny myself nothing. If I want chocolate, I will have chocolate, just not an entire bag. Remember that it is a process. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The point is to be happy. Learn to love yourself as you are. Then you will begin to treat yourself as you would anyone you love. You’ll take care of yourself, spoil yourself, forgive yourself, and realize how beautifully you deserve to be treated.