I gained a pound this week......and last week. I am attempting to keep myself from getting too discouraged. I keep trying to remind myself that this is a learning process. It’s going to take time to get the hang of all of these new habits. Especially being off of the Jenny Food. I have, also, not been feeling well for the past two weeks and was not able to get my workouts in. It’s been mostly emotional, but has led to physical fatigue.
I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster lately, add studying for finals and memorizing lines on top of that and I am worn out. Emotionally, mentally and physically drained. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down for a few days, and I begin running on auto-pilot so I can get through my tasks for the day. Anything above and beyond what I absolutely have to do doesn’t get done. The TV goes on, the computer goes on and I get taken to a place where I don’t have to worry about anything. My brain doesn’t have to do a lot of functioning. I can just exist for a while.
Then something, like today, will happen and it wakes me up. I start easing my way out of auto-pilot and preparing to take life on all over, again. It tend to be a process. If I jump too quickly, I get overwhelmed all over, again and end up shutting back down. Yet, another habit I need to figure out how to break.
This in between process can be useful, though. I find myself going within more often. I do more thinking, more writing, and really taking time to figure out what I want to be doing and who I want to be when I come out of this one. What do I want to strive for? It gives me the quiet downtime I need to help me figure out where I want to take my life next.
So what next, then? Activity. As I found myself becoming a slave to the DVR, I cut out a lot of my shows that are recorded daily. The only ones I kept on there are Ellen and Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Apart from those two, the rest are weekly shows which really don’t take up that much of my time. They are perfect for unwinding at the end of the day. That will give me time to do things I need to do for me, that don’t involve work,school, errands or cleaning the apartment. Fun stuff. Exercise, meditation, dancing, singing, music, playing, writing, reading, etc. All of the things I enjoy doing. It can, also, take some of the stress out of the things I have to do. My jobs are not stressful, so that helps, but school can be. Let’s face it, how enjoyable is doing dishes and scrubbing down the bathroom.
I find if I take the time for myself, the tough stuff isn’t quite so tough.
I can already hear it, “Easy for you to say miss single, childless and independent.” It is easy for me to say, or is it? If it wasn’t something I was struggling with I wouldn’t have to blog about it. Being single, childless and independent doesn’t free me of responsibilities, nor does it free of getting too busy or giving what I have for someone else. I grew up with everyone else being more important than me. I had to make everyone happy. Be all things to everyone, and it was never good enough. For a lot of my life I gave and gave, but had a hard time receiving or asking for help. I went completely out of my comfort zone to learn how to take care of myself. It was especially uncomfortable asking for help, but I learned a lot seeing who was actually there when I needed it. At first, I felt as though I was being selfish. Eventually, I began to realize that the more I took care of myself, the better I could help others. If I can allow myself to be the best version of me I can muster up at the moment, I can really make an impact. To be the best me, I have to take care of myself. I have to make time for myself, for my spiritual growth, for improving my activity level, for just being. Sitting in your heart space and allowing yourself to just be, even for a few minutes is a beautiful thing anyone can do for themselves. Feel that divine spark in you. Feel the love and warmth that not only surrounds you, but is within you. Feel how awesome you are. What a beautiful being you are.
All the number on the scale has shown me is that I need to tweak something. There’s no need to get discouraged, just rethink things, or maybe just take a second look. Luckily, I have my Jenny consultant to help guide me.
I think it’s time for a little Wii Fit :) Gotta start somewhere, and frankly it’s a little cold for this Floridian to be starting anything outdoors.
Enjoy your weekend :)
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